SO... this is Christmas

I just lost everything I had just written. Wow. Well, keep going on. There is lots of snow outside. I'm busily sending out letters to those who I think would like to hear from me and haven't heard from for awhile. Steve will be home tomorrow and I hope to work on my Christmas gift to the kids. Most likely skiing will be what everyone wants to do.
What is Christmas?
My views of it are changing. Who are we kidding that it's about Jesus. It' not like that at my house, it's all about us getting and giving gifts which is fun but who is it supposed to be about? I saw a great saying on a church marqee. This Christmas, all I want is your presence. That was good. That is true. That is the greatest gift of all and that is all I want and I already have it. I want to have my eyes opened to it so I can see it, use it, touch it, smell it and be comforted by it. That's what I want this Christmas.

Once a week, huh?

I'm a bit out of sorts. I notice there is a change in me and others are noticing as well. I thought Bryan was noticing only because he is at that age where he is not liking me. But now Steve and Cheryl have made comments. What is happening? I have some facts of what has taken place in my life on the outside but I don't know if that is the reason for the inside.

Words are gone
Don't be blue
I'm still here
I love you.

I think the word is consecrate.

A New Book, new life

I love this new book I am reading. I can't wait to get things done to steal away and curl up and escape into another world. It's not the world I want or envy, it's the message that is being proclaimed. It's another Harold Bell Wright book, The Re-Creating of Brian Kent. Right now the main character appeared to come from death to life, and discovered it wasn't life at all but just more death and he has come to grips that he really is depraved. He got it after experiencing true love, the love of someone who loved him not for what he had done but who he is; a creation of God, in God's image. He has not realized who he is yet, or least the person that this other loves of him. I am looking forward to discover his identity, and mine....excellent book.

Also, the 9 year old boy with cancer, named Tristan Howell, has gone to Heaven on Friday night. A memorial for him is on Saturday at 1 at Calvary. This family went through something they didn't volunteer for or have previous experience. They walked through the valley of the shadow of death and it has been hard. They could never had done it without the Lord.

Music Is Back Plus More

Chels is home right now. I shouldn’t be sitting here typing you about it, but I want you to know how we love it so when things are as they were. Who can do that? Who can leave home and come back and get back into it. Actually, Chels is on the piano and the two kids are on guitars…..There is so much more music than before. You should really hear this........ “I called you answered,…. And you came to my rescue and I wanna be where you are…. Beautiful!!!! Love to you all.

Our Incredible Savior

This isn't written by me but from someone I know named Kari Rehmke

I just got home a little while ago, and I wanted to pass along the "update". I don't want to just tell you the diagnosis.... I need to tell you the whole story. Please forward this to our CHEE group, as you are all part of this story!! A couple of weeks ago, I found a lump in my left breast. No doubt about it, I had a definite lump.

Dear God, I thought, I am 35 years old...This cannot possibly be happening. It was confirmed when I went to my OB/GYN shortly after. She could also feel the lump, and she was worried. She thought possibly a cyst, but possibly something more. She measured the very palpable lump with her little flimsy ruler, then ordered tests. This was basically the plan: Go have a mammogram and ultrasound. If it just looks like a cyst, they will drain it, and then test the fluid and surrounding tissue for cancer cells. If it doesn't look like a cyst, they will do a biopsy and test for cancer cells.

I left with a pain in my stomach, and panic in my heart that would last for the next 9 days. NINE DAYS?! It took nine days before I got to go in for my testing. During these 9 days, I hardly slept. I cried a lot. I lost patience with my kids. I felt that lump a lot. And I seemed to forget that we have this incredible Savior who is not only with us during difficult times, but literally carries us through them. I forgot that!

Somehow, Wednesday night I had enough sense to call Tammy and say, "Help! I need prayer!" Tammy, you could tell how panicked and lost I was feeling when I was talking to you, and I just thank the Lord for you in my life! You sent out a prayer request. I think it is easy to forget the power of prayer. But Wow, your prayer was powerful!! The prayer of not just this thing being benign, but also the prayer for peace that surpasses understanding.

The night before my testing, my husband and I expected me to be a mess, not that I hadn't already been. I didn't figure I would sleep much, and was a little worried of having a panic attack. But something incredible happened. I felt peace. I felt the lump in my breast one last time, and then I just let it go. I prayed honestly for the first time since my doctor appointment. God showed me that I absolutely could not take care of this myself. I yet again needed my Savior, and Jesus once again picked me up and took care of me. I didn't cry last night.... My stomach was fine... And I slept sooooooo good.

This morning as I was driving to my appointment, I was still at peace. I remember thinking, "God, I know I am in your faithful hands. And whatever your will is with me, I am happy with it. I know my family will always be in your loving hands, and so I am not worried about this." And I really wasn't!

When it was time for my mammogram, they gave me this little sticker thing to stick over the lump and could be seen in the xray photo. Problem was... I could not find my lump. NO joking - It was gone. Just simply not there. They still did several mammogram pictures, and then did the ultrasound for awhile, But no lump was to be found. All breast tissue looked perfectly normal.

I love how God sometimes swoops in and makes his presence known.... Especially on October 31st! I can't thank everyone enough for their prayers. I know that prayers are not always answered in such a direct and obvious way as this, but God always hears and answers us. We just need to have faith!!

New Post

hi Cynee. I am following directions right now and reading directions. They are awesome. How do you do that? Oh my!!!



Oh my gosh, I see the email you want me to print......HAHAHAHAHHAH

Thirty Days Has September

I don't know if this title will have anyhing to do with this entry but for Cheryl's sake, I am writing a blog so she doesn't delete the tag she has for me. I hate being erased. WAh Wah!

Here I am. I have a lot going on but my writng putter outter is not happening; that's why I have been silent. But you know that when I'm in person with you, I certainly expound on everything.

I've noticed that this blog has been about people in my life that I love; Greg, Joyce and my sister. Greg has moved to His new residence for eternity in Heaven. I don't know exactly where Joyce will spend eternity and my sister Rhonda is on the threshold of her next home, not knowing really where she wants to go. I am in constant prayer for her that God will save her.

Last week she went in for radiation treatment at her husband's request. There was more testing and the diagnosis has changed to worse conditions in that there are more "tumors" in more locations. She is sleeping all the time and is no longer in a functional position at her home.

Radiation is 15 minutes a day for 10 days and then another evaluation. This is mostly for pain relief, so says my brother-in-law.

This is all that I know at the time. I have no inclination to write about it. But I will do so when I am prompted, either by God or by those of you who would like to be in the know and are interested.

By the way, I thank you for your interest and your prayers. Thank you very much.

Sisters

Hi there,
Getting ready for bed and decided to go ahead and check out the email. Thank you so much for forgiving me my years of foolishness Tina, my selfishness as well as many other faults have truly come to light in what God has caused me to think of as most important right now. Nothing else I thought was important 30 days ago was even mentionable. There are so many things in my life that will be changing as I was being distracted and allowed it. No More! I understand what is going on and I am surrending my will to His again. I am not able to at this time to seperate the ability to work and help others and live and help others so I am letting go of my shop and placing it up for sale. The shop has hurt me greatly and has caused me to care too much about the cares of the world. "Be ye not conformed to the ways of this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." Wow have I been learning this more and more. Funny thing is I have been telling others this quite often.

I am excited to see the changes that God is planning to make for me as I know they will be great! I plan to mend fences, build relationships, love unconditionally, forgive and beg forgiveness daily. I love you Tina and thank you so much for being there for me right now. You will never know how much it means to me. Rhonda


Rhonda:
If I called as often as I want to, you would not be able to get things done around there. Today I wanted to call around 1:00 but kept myself from it. I do want to see you. I am praying for you and wanting so much for God to intervene and heal you and continue to heal all of us through this situation with you.

I talked with Veni and I understand how the comfort they are trying to offer you can be confusing. It's your choice where you put your hope and in whom and what methods.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.

This is what I am crying out for you. Lord, lead her.
Are you still getting email?
Tina

My Sister Rhonda

Rhonda is the fourth child and fourth girl in my original family. She is 4 1/2 years younger than me, she is 46.

I left home when she was 12.

What I remember the most about our childhood is that she and I plus our brother Dan, were a three-some against the other 3 siblings who were first borns of the three couples. She was always cooperative and supported my leadership of our gang.

She opted to work rather than continue in highschool at an engraving company. She eventually started her own engraving business and until just last month has had it in operation on a website and shop outlet.

She has been married for over 20 years and has three children, twin boys age 20 and a daughter age 11. They live in Missouri.

After I left the house, I really didn't get to know her very well. Our history together has been marked by antagonism and misunderstanding. Our talks have been short and our times of seeing each other has been few.

In the last few weeks, things have changed. She called out of concern for our dad who was very ill and refusing to go to a doctor. Not giving in to her idea of getting involved in the situation, she accused me of being out of touch with our family and proceeded to let me know she would no longer contact me with family problems. A week later when my dad checked into the hospital on his own, she checked into the hospital 2 days later with a severe headache and lack of muscle control. There she was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer.

Since then she is grasping for life and answers. She has asked me for forgiveness for being angry and jealous with me. She is freaked out about what is happening and what she is going to do.

Unlike others who are in the same situation, I feel like Rhonda and I have the same skin, the same blood. She is like my daughter Halley, to me, so I see her as my daughter. My connection with her is very close. We are talking now, as if we have been caring on as intimate friends all along. I am very concerned for her and am crying out to God for her life and his glory.

She is on my heart and mind right now....

Up Close and Personal

March 13, 2008

Here I sit in the lodge of Mt. Spokane with my family for a day of skiing. I just got off the slope and I don’t really want to go back because it is too foggy. With it as bright as it is, as well as gusting snow, the conditions make me have vertigo. Vertigo is a feeling of being out of balance, and dizziness. I noticed how much my eyes are needed to help me down the hill. And I know our ears work with our eyes to keep us steady. Without either one, going down the slope is very difficult. I do prefer both.

Of course most of you already SEE that I’m already liking this to our spiritual life as well. I heard a song while driving up here that said,
“Open our ears Lord, help me to listen,
Open our eyes Lord, so we can see Jesus.”

We are so in need of having an eye and ear tune up especially as we are walking down the slope of this earthy life. Not to say that we’re all heading down hill, although it sure looks like it and the hand basket is being woven. It’s just that there is all kinds of terrain on the mountain we call the Christian life, and the only way we can maneuver is to see and hear Jesus talking to us—it’s the only way to keep our balance, so we don’t falter or fall.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if one day we were totally dependent upon listening to Him? I mean; no preacher, no radio. Could we do it?

Wonder if all we had were our eyes and no ears? That would mean no bible, no other teaching material. Could we do it?

Wonder it there was a fog in front of us all the time, and all we had was a still small voice or a seeing range of two feet in front of us, could we get down, or up? Just gently going down the ski slope like I just did, got me to thinking of all these things.


Greg is with Jesus

My friend Greg was taken up into the arms of Jesus on February 24 after six months of a journey through stomach cancer. His wife, Kari, and three girls, Anna, Ilsa and Inga are continuing to take a step at a time and have much support from family of friends, yet we all know that they still have to endure alone time.

These last few months have been experienced by many of us via e-mail reports from Kari, and then seeing him for myself. There was a lot that happened and as I observed it all had a ring to it like the disciples had with Jesus. Here are a few things I thought of.

1. It is no different today than it was 2000 years later.
When Jesus lived and died, the reaction by those who were with him was the same as we feel today about Greg. No one wants it to happen. We have not evolved into something that reacts differently. Remember when Peter wanted to prevent Jesus from dying? That’s because he didn’t want him to.
We haven’t even changed to how people reacted from the beginning of man’s time here-- ever since the first death happened with Cain killing Abel. Suffering the loss of a loved one is such a roller coaster ride of emotions because we were created with emotions.

2. The disciples were told of Jesus’ death and resurrection but they didn’t quite believe it. Jesus knew all along he was born to die in order to reconcile his creation to Himself. The disciples I’m sure prayed that he wouldn’t leave them and they didn’t understand the resurrection thing even though they actually witnessed this miracle a couple of times. It goes to show you that no matter how much we’re told, we can’t comprehend it until it happens.

The same happened with Greg. He was told in August that he had 4 months to live and all of us, himself included, didn’t want to accept it. No one wants to hear that their time is over even though we often times live each day hoping it will be our last.

If Jesus hadn’t have raised from the dead then we are to be pitied.

3. None of us were there with Jesus, but we believe the report of the eyewitnesses who were with him. The disciples witnessed the life and death and resurrection of Jesus and they wrote and told us about it. Others knew him, too. By the disciples word, we can believe what they said. Because we have the written word of Jesus’ life, it puts credibility into His existence.

Many of you I write know Greg so you too can testify what I say to you. But there are those who didn’t know him and yet you believe me when I tell you about him. Once you personally see and experience something you can’t deny what you’ve been through. You can’t convince me he was never alive even though you may not have known him. He still lives.

I love that Jesus said we would be witnesses to the world of what we have seen. Granted, we haven’t physically seen Jesus, yet we believe because of the testimony of the disciples.

4. Jesus is ALIVE and so is Greg

The celebration we call Easter is in a day or two. Interestingly, Easter celebrations have not been a big deal with me but the resurrection of Jesus is. Without it, we would have nothing. He came so that we would have life, life abundantly and eternally. What I mean to say is that the bunny and eggs has no appeal. I have never bought my kids Easter baskets or have hidden eggs for them. This is not to say that I haven’t been included in other peoples celebrations, but for me to do goes against my conscience.

Greg is alive at this moment too. His body is gone but his soul lives on in Heaven with Jesus because he believed in who Jesus is-- as the savior of the world who was born, buried and rose again on the third day to bring us back to Himself.

Last words
Please let me know how you are doing and if this format is okay for you.

Love, Tina

My Friend Joyce

Every life is important. That's why I think I feel sadness for the passing away of Joyce. She would have been 90 in April. I enjoyed her friendship, because I was interested in listening to her past and how she viewed life. I was able to read her like a book . A live character. And now the book has ended. I feel that way when good books ends; sad. Off a bit. That's why I guess I read the end first. I anticipate how I will respond.

In my mind I already ended the book before I even started when I entered a relationship with her. But somehow the real thing is a lot different than a book. Real people make a big difference. The feelings are not based upon imagination but the real thing.

January 18, 2008

Let the REAL life begin

Today is Greg and Kari’s 22nd wedding anniversary. He felt bad for not getting her anything. At hearing that I was struck with, “What else matters except that you are with her? What could you possibly give that holds any value compared to your life, Greg? You are the treasure, Greg. You are her greatest gift, the gift of yourself, today, probably more than any other time in your marriage. You are there in your totality. What a wonderful thing.”

Greg got home last night from the hospital. He is taking care of business, the business of closing all doors of the present and the past and preparing for his future departure, the time of which no man knows exactly, only God knows. He is getting ready, nonetheless, because He knows it is happening and will happen. He has evidence that he no longer is suited for this place. Whatever he was given when he first came has run out, expired, kaput, over, it no longer can be used in the marketplace of this world. The vehicle he has been traveling in needs a new model. That new model is waiting for him at the manufacturer’s home.

I can only imagine what it was like at his house today when loved ones came to say their good-byes. I bet there were tears, lots of them, like an unstoppable force that poured out of the well-springs of their hearts held back until such a time as this. Then there was laughter. How can there not be with Greg. But the tears came again, something like contractions, birth pains. Isn’t that interesting? A mom is alone in her pain while birthing, but when someone is dying, everyone experiences it because it is a birthing into a new world. The conversation was probably the most real it has ever been. Awkward, of course, but a sense that even awkwardness didn’t matter. This is the way life is to be, loving, forgiving, knowing that we each are leaving this world and we don't know when. Can you imagine the LOVE at their house? The intimacy, the crying, the mourning, the poor in spirit, the meek. The Beatitudes ring with truth in these moments.

What a gift God has given this family and all of us to send a brother off in such a manner. Every generation has people who stood out as great men who loved the Lord, and in my life, Greg is one of those in this generation. My Pastor once said, We die the way we live. Finally, I understand what this means! Greg is dying the way he lived, investing his life into people, talking to them about their eternal destiny, and testifying of the love and faithfulness of God. If God so chooses to physically heal him, what would Greg do? I’m sure it would be the same as he’s done. Whether he lives or dies, his life is about Christ. So as his doctor prophetically and unknowingly said, “He won’t be going until his job his done.”

What have I learned through all of this? Well, my husband just came home from work. Was I so cheerful about it? Not really—especially as he came in upset. My kids are playing loudly with outbursts of anger, and I’m seriously sitting down here to express what I am thinking. The day to day stuff just latches onto us and before we know it, we are back to the grind again. Can I say, Thank You, Jesus, for these times of crisis when it seems REAL life happens. When our dependency upon God is at the highest it could be. When our relationships take on a pureness, an honesty that we have hoped for our entire lives. There’s no better place than to be in the arms of Jesus. How do we get there? Do we have to go through crisis to believe that Christ is? I don’t know, and I don’t want to say bring it on, but there is a part of me that longs to experience that closeness of Christ, that the apostle Paul even desired: that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Can you imagine what it would be like if we lived like we were dying!!! I will miss Greg very much. I feel with compassion the pain he and his family are experiencing. Soon we will all be on the other side of this journey with a friend and Greg will be in the presence of the Lord, not worried about a thing, but in complete understanding of why he had to leave us at this time. It’s a win-win. We have the Holy Spirit and His word to comfort us, and because of that we have real life.

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,

Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted,

Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth,

Blessed are those who thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy,

Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God,

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for my sake,

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad for great is your reward in heaven, for they persecuted the prophets who were before you.